Patient to doctor: On the top of your prescription these words are
printed:We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it to God?
Doctor: Pay me. I will send it.
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Patient: Tell me how I can repay you for all your kindness.
Doctor: You can pay by cash, cheque or money order.
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Patient: Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?
Doctor: That is what I want to find out myself.
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Doctor to patient: Why are you nervous?
Patient: Because this is the first time I am going to have An operation.
Doctor: But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation.
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Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill.
Doctor: Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet.
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Patient: I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night.
Doctor: Don't worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two birds with one stone.
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Woman patient : Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die.
Doctor : You did the right thing to call me.
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A patient to his friend: I am taking rest cure.
Friend: What do you do?
Patient : I sit every day for three hours in the waiting room of a very busy doctor.
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Doctor to woman patient: Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him.
Patient: But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee.
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Doctor: You have trouble with your throat? Have you ever gargled with salt water?
Patient: Yes. In last summer, I was almost drowned while swimming.
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Doctor to woman: What is the matter about your husband?
Woman: He is worrying about money.
Doctor: I think I can relieve him of that.
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Patient to friend: I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory.
Friend: What did he do?
Patient: He made me pay him in advance.
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Doctor: Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is only an indication of old age.
Husband: Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?
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Patient: Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?
Doctor: How old are you now?
Patient: 40
Doctor: Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?
Patient: No. I don't drink. I don't gamble. I don't smoke. I have no vice.
Doctor: Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?
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Patient: Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine.
The doctor was very much pleased.
He asked : Did it really help you?
Patient: It helped me wonderfully.
Doctor: How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?
Patient: I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir.
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Patient: Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don't mind.
Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?
Doctor: You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc.
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Doctor to Patient: Don't worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live.
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A man with a bad rash on his hands went to his doctor.
The latter examined his hands carefully for sometime and consulted many
large volumes on his shelves. Finally, he asked the patient : Have you had this trouble before?
He answered: Yes.
Doctor said: You have again got it.
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A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor.
Doctor said: It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age.
Patient: The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not pain?
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Doctor: You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary.
Patient: Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?
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